February 11th

Twenty years ago today, our son was born. Ten hours later, he died.

He was our fifth child and our third son. My pregnancy was very easy, I did not gain much weight.  I remember having energy to take care of our children, as well as homeschooling two of them.

I am not going to give details here … that is not the purpose of writing today.

I am writing because I want other moms (and dads) to realize that life does go on. If you are dealing with a child who is dying, a miscarriage, or your child has already died – I promise you … You will always remember your child. No one can take that away from you. You will not always hurt. One day, you will realize that you made it through the day, and you did not cry (and then you will probably feel guilty).  But, life does go on.

I remember with such clarity the peace of heart and mind that my Heavenly Father was so real … Troy & I were able to make decisions because we had so many people praying for us and with us throughout the entire weekend. I wish that I could put these memories to paper … maybe one day they will come out of my head clearly!

One thing I do remember more than anything else during that time, is that I remember singing hymns in my head over and over. Sometimes, I would find myself humming them or singing them out loud without realizing it. One of the hymns that was so helpful was “It Is Well with My Soul” by Horatio Spafford.

In closing, know that I am here, if you need to talk or someone to pray with!


Adopted by God

My husband was remarking yesterday that one of our sons got my fine hair. What he was saying is that this particular son looks like he has thinning hair, and he is only in his 20s. My first thought was, “Well he has hair just like my brother (who has high widow’s peak and thin hair), so it must be in the family genes somewhere.” This makes sense, thinning hair and baldness usually comes from the mother’s side of the family anyway. The funny thing is … both my brother and I are adopted!

I never stop and think about my brother as being anything other than my brother. I don’t wonder about who his parents are. I know who they are. They are my parents, the ones who adopted us, and he is my brother. I feel the same way about my parents. I often forget that whatever they may be dealing with from a genetic point of view has no real bearing on me, but I find myself thinking about it the other way around, you know, like – “Will I get my grandmother’s arms when I get older?”

“That He might redeem them which were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption of the sons. And because you are sons, God sent forth the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, Abba, Father.” Galatians 4:5-6


It struck me – this is the way we should be in our relationship with Christ and fellow believers. We may be different looking on the outside but we are all family. We share the same brother, Christ; and the same heavenly father. Galatians 4:5-6 says “That He might redeem them which were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption of the sons. And because you are sons, God sent forth the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, Abba, Father.” Yes, we have been adopted by God. The scripture talks about us being grafted into the vine that was and is Israel (Romans 11:17) and so we become part of the family.

Sometimes, I can get frustrated with my brother and I am sure he does with me as well. But despite how frustrated I become with him, I love him and he will always be my brother. I will do whatever is needed to help him if the need arises. The notion that we are adopted has no bearing. However, can I say the same about my brothers and sisters in Christ?

Do I have the love for my fellow believers that I should as one of their family members? After all, Christians come in many forms and from many walks of life. That is one of the miracles of the Gospel. But I have my notions as to what it means to be a Christian. Some of those things are more a result of my denominational upbringing and what I am comfortable with. And I know that not everyone shares those same convictions. We are taught in Romans that some can eat meat sacrificed to idols and it is not sin, but for others who have a conviction about this to do so would be sin. Can I love, as I should? Are they my brothers and sisters more than anything else?

Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” (John 13:35). Before I judge, condemn, or even have that disapproving thought about my brother or sister in Christ; I first must ask myself – do I really love them? If not, I am nothing more than a sounding brass or tinkling cymbal. (I Corinthians 13:1)

What are your thoughts on why those who should demonstrate love can end up having such a hard time loving those different from themselves?

Ramblings on 2015

This is the start of a new year with a blank slate. I have been wanting to get back into writing on my blog … I have so many ideas and thoughts swirling, but have not been faithful in putting them into writing. I tend to be a perfectionist and a procrastinator. So, to motivate me, I have purchased my ticket to attend the 2:1 Conference.

I also have joined a couple of challenges so that I can grow to be a Godly woman. The first challenge is to Pray and Read the Bible in 100 days

My 2014 “One Thousand Gifts” List

I have never done this before, but I know it is important to be thankful for the little things in life. As I find out more about this challenge, I will put more info here.

I found out about this challenge from A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp. She writes: “The whole collection of this year’s Joy Dare – to keep Jesus at the center of everyday…”. Now isn’t this exactly what we want?

From the “January Joy Dare”

3 Gifts Heard – 1/1/14

  1. “Firecrackers & Shotguns” announcing the New Year
  2. “Happy New Year dear, I love you, see you in the morning”
  3. “Guess what … I stayed up all night!”

A gift outside, inside, on a plate – 1/2/14

  1. outside – snow falling quietly
  2. inside – everyone home
  3. on a plate – homemade “chips”

3 Graces you overheard – 1/3/14

  1. “I love you baby girl”
  2. “Some one wants me to shovel their driveway!”
  3. “I’d rather snuggle…”

 A Gift Old, New, Blue – 1/4/14

  1. “Old Love – my husband!”
  2. “New Love – my daughter & fiance”
  3. New blue hairdryer warming up wet gloves

Something you are Reading, Making, Seeing – 1/5/14

  1. Reading – God’s Word = so soothing lately!
  2. Making – Homemade Chili & Biscuits = great on a cold day!
  3. Seeing – Ashley come in the door after her car accident tonight = tears in my eyes! Thank you Father!!!

One thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart – 1/6/14

  1. My bag – new book Audrey Bunny by Angie Smith
  2. My fridge – being thankful there is food there, esp. fresh eggs from a local farmer
  3. My heart – Birthday boy today = youngest, where does the time go?

Three graces from people you love – 1/7/14

  1. “Thank you for going with me to the VA hospital today.”
  2. “Oh, my new rock display racks are cool!”
  3. “The doctor said there was more damage to my knee than he thought, but it looks and feels great today!”